Getting close to death and dying can be scary in our culture. Whether we have been given only a few months to live. Whether we would like to approach the subject of dying, but don’t know where to start. Whether it is just time to deal with our fears of death and dying. Sometimes we need help. Someone to hold our hand while exploring a foreign territory. Someone to put up some lights in an area that feels hidden away in darkness. Someone to help us prepare for a possibly wondrous journey. Someone to help us find our way home.
There is a rhythm to dying, also called physical stages of dying. We often need to be around quite a few deaths to start recognizing them.
The rhythm of dying tends to have more in common with a stand-up base than with a violin. It can sound more like the haunting cooing notes of a mourning dove than the cheerful warble of a nightingale.
Yes, we can detect a recognizable rhythm to dying. At the same time, every dying is also unique. Moving to its own beat. Following its very own internal script. Taking whatever time is needed to complete this last journey. And every completion looks different. Very different.
This nearing death experience, as some are calling it, can be best described as a journey. This particular journey has a number of check-in stations. We might call them physical stages of dying. Not everyone passes by every check-in station.
Some of us take our time and linger. Some of us get it over with quickly. For some of us dying is hard work. For some of us dying feels like a breeze. But all of us are heading towards the same destination. Passing through our physical stages of dying. Into death.
| I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.– Gilda Radner – |
The Different Physical Stages of Dying
There is a rhythm to dying, also called physical stages of dying. At the same time every dying is also unique. Following its very own internal script. Taking whatever time is needed to complete the last journey. And every completion looks different. This nearing death experience, as some call, can be best described as a journey. This particular journey has a number of check-in stations. We might call them physical stages of dying. Not everyone passes by every check-in station.
Months
Some of us take our time and linger. Some of us get it over with quickly. For some of us dying is hard work. For some of us dying feels like a breeze. But all of us are heading towards the same destination. Passing through our physical stages of dying. Into death. Some of the stages of dying start to be discernible a few months to a month before death occurs. That is when for many of us our journey into dying begins to become more apparent. Some of us start feeling less active. We rest more. Doze more. Dream more. Feel more like withdrawing into our inner realms. We eat less. Drink less. Participate less in life around us.
For some of us reliving our memories becomes more important than talking to our friends or loved ones. Especially the memories of our childhood. Our memories become a way to take stock of our lives and make our peace with it, if that is what is needed.
Weeks
We have already come so far on our journey towards death. Such an important journey. Yet there is still more to travel towards death. Luckily we have our check in posts a few weeks before death. We have our symptoms of dying. A road map. Sort of…. Because everyone’s route is so different. So unique. So personal. In these final weeks we tend to doze a lot. It must feel so comforting to drift off into that sweet land of dreams. A body resting. A mind relaxed. Just like our children slept for weeks and months after they were born. All day and all night (if we were lucky). Only, newborns do need their food and they need it often.
Strange. These similarities. Between birth and death. Between being born and dying. Just like our children did sleep for weeks and months after they were born. Sleeping all day long and all day night (if we were lucky). Only newborns do need their food and they need it often.
Days
Our journey into dying is moving closer to its final destination. There are more signs of approaching death. We are down to a few days. Just a few more days to be in this particular body at this particular time. Nothing more to do. Just letting go. Just letting go.
Death
Death now is very close. All the signs of death are here. The moment we have awaited for so long. The moment we have dreaded for so long. The moment we feared so much. The moment we were ready for. So ready.
